Old but God

TAOISM: shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: confucius says "shit happens"

7th DAY ADVENTIST: shit happens on saturdays

JEHOVA'S WITNESS: "knock knock" - shit happens!

CATHOLIC: if shit happens, I deserve it

PROTESTANT: shit won't happen if I work hard

JUDAISM: why does this shit always happen to me?!

ISLAM: if shit happens, take a hostage

HINDU: long ago, shit happened

HARE KRISHNA: shit happens rama rama ding dong

BUDDHISM: when shit happens, is it really shit?

ZEN: listen to the sound of shit happening

MORMON: shit happens again and again and again

UNITARIAN: what is this shit?

RASTA: let's go smoke this shit!